Book 1 of 24: The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo by Amy Schumer
I want to start by saying that I am not in love with Amy Schumer. I think she is a cool chick, funny at times and I love that she has a great body image. Not to mention, she doesn’t apologize for who she is. All of which are great traits and I respect her for all of them. All that said, I had a lot of trouble reading this book and for a few different reasons.
I am not going to lie;I for sure make up excuses to get out of things. Whether it is, a white lie to get out of committing to a social event, complaining the kickboxing class was too over crowed. Trust me I am not shy to say unless I am getting paid, I am not much of a “go-getter”. That said, in this circumstance it is not the case.
My eyes opened to a gray sky. My body although it tact, felt a million miles away. It was day two of skiing and I ate snow. I ate snow, hard.
To be honest, I never really wanted to go skiing, but I knew it was something Dan (the boyfriend) loved and missed. So skiing we went! We arrived at Jackson Hole Ski Resort. It was stunning, yet intimidating.
Tis’ the season to color eggs! Now, I know this might be a little late as a lot of families color eggs the Sunday before Easter, but oh well. Here we go.
The trend this year is marble Easter eggs and I am loving it! You would not believe how simple they are to make. Check it out!
My whole life I have always played leg sports: volleyball, frisbee, I was even on rowing team for a hot second. Because of this, I have always breezed through any workout that has to do with my legs. Lunges you got it. Wall-sits, how long? Squats, I’m down. But when it comes to other parts of the body: arms, chest, back….Not so much. Never in my life, have had to use upper body strength; therefore, I have none. So of course when day two of the work out came, push up time was a bit of a hot mess.
I was half way through, what I thought was my second pushup, when I heard, “What are you doing?” I looked up to see my boyfriend, Dan sitting on the couch with a strange look on his face. “I’m doing push ups. What does it looks like I am doing?”, I replied. There was a pause and then laughter. Apparently, I was doing them all wrong. Dan then jumped to the ground and said; “It’s like this,” while pushing out 10 pushups within the time it took me to complete my two.
The thing you have to know about Dan, is that he is in great shape. Not that he works out. He never does, but his job is very physically demanding. He calls a day work, his workout and it’s the truth.
Dan soon began to coach me on how to do a pushup. I could feel the difference. My whole body began to tremble, as I inched my way to the floor. Then, I just collapsed. I could not hold my own body weight. Dan then suggested the incline push up, that the workout calls for. I decided against it, as I pictured myself hitting a certain point and collapsing again, but, this time it would be my face smacking into a wooden chair. That didn’t sound like a good idea. Dan then suggested a modified pushup. Although it was difficult, it was still better. Since then, I am still doing the modified pushup and still struggling with it.
It is now day 10 of 30, and I still cannot do a push up. I guess I will just have to build up to it. Which, I think is what this workout is all about, a gradual process. I don’t think this work out is designed to shed pounds or beef up. It’s about getting you to a place where working out is no longer a chore. This slow, but affective process is doing just that for this Newbee.
I am a notorious over packer. I would pack every pair of shoes I own, regardless of season if there wasn’t a weight limit when checking your bags. Also, I have this tendency to want to bring along items I never wear. I have this idea that vacation equals special occasion, which also equals wearing cute clothes that I hate wearing because of how uncomfortable they are. Not to mention, IF I choose to actually wear these uncomfortable items, and that is a big IF, nine times out of ten I become extremely self-conscious when I am about 10 feet out the door. I begin to think, “They know! They know I am a tourist. It is written all over these fake suede booties.” Then I turn right around and change into my chucks. It happens all the time and never fails.
This time around, I told myself I would only pack what I need and that is that. So this is what I packed.
At a very young age, I was diagnosed with a disorder called vergence dysfunction, which unfortunately affects my comprehension skills, when taking in visually information. I also have a decrease in both saccades and pursuits. Over the years, this has really affected my reading level, spelling skills and comprehension of abstract visuals. My eyes move at rapid rates, causing what I am taking in visually to be distorted. In turn, when I see something, such as words, the visual isn’t properly communicated to the comprehension part of my brain. For example, I see a word, but because the message my eyes send is corrupt, my brain cannot properly formulate sounds to vocalize that word.
I was diagnosed with this disorder as a child, received treatment and have developed strategies to support myself. That said, this disorder had caused me to steer clear of reading. It wasn’t until I was 19 years old that I read my first book from start to finish on my own. The book Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold broke the cycle.
We were picked up from our hotel at 8:15 am. We were the first ones in the van. From there, we went around from hotel to hotel picking up folks, who were to joins us for the journey. A family from Dallas, a rich couple from Nashville, a young traveler from Ohio and a couple who were new residents to Jackson Hole. Our driver pointing out wild life along the drive and described the crazy avalanches from the week before. You could feel the van filled with anticipation and excitement.
After the 30-minute drive, we finally arrived. We pulled up to a driveway not only surrounded by snow cover hills, but a driveway lined with plowed snow about 7 feet high. Then we heard the dogs. Some howled, some whined either way you could hear them, a lot of them. We claimed up a 10-foot high snow bank and the pups were revealed. There were rows upon rows of hand made wooden doghouses, each with a name painted on the front and a dog by its side.
We were lead inside where we met the staff and the owner himself. Frank Teasley, the owner introduced himself, gave a brief history about the company and its mission. After asking our shoe size and handing over the biggest boot I had ever seen, he said to make sure to take it all in, because this was going to be the highlight of our trip. And boy, was he right.
About two years ago, I moved in with my boyfriend. People say that when you get comfortable in relationship, you have a tendency to gain a few pound. Well two years and 20 pound later, I am seeing a big difference. Last month, I had to go out and purchase all new pants! That said, I don’t mind buying myself a new pair of jeans or even going up two sizes. What really bothers me is I am no longer confident in my own body.
My style has complete change. No longer am I wearing skinny jeans and a blouse. I have downgraded to yoga pants, if not sweat pants and a t-shirt. My motivation has decreased immensely. When I was out in Portland for 6 months I went hiking 3-4 times a week. I didn’t even think about loosing weight or getting in shape. I just focused on being in touch with nature. Over the 6 month I was in the best shape of my life and at my happiest. Now a-days walking the pup has become a chore.
